


Best Seat In The House

by fiveainley_ohmy



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Crack, Drunk Spock, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Spock Is A Thot, Strip Tease, Tumblr Ask Box Fic, chocolate wasted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-10-30 20:35:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17835734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveainley_ohmy/pseuds/fiveainley_ohmy
Summary: Shout out to my gf Ali who inspired this fic on my Tumblr. I too act stupid when I get drunk, and my angel of a girlfriend just puts up with it lol. Enjoy. -Ren





	Best Seat In The House

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to my gf Ali who inspired this fic on my Tumblr. I too act stupid when I get drunk, and my angel of a girlfriend just puts up with it lol. Enjoy. -Ren

_Okay, who gave Spock hot chocolate?_ Jim wondered as he patiently carried the heavy Vulcan over his shoulder. Spock was babbling in his native language melodically—not quite singing, but it was definitely more musical than normal talking.

They had been down at a bar on Risa for shore leave and gotten separated. The next thing Jim knew, Spock was trying to dance with Lieutenant Kyle—or rather, on him. Jim had been pretty pissed off till he realized his lover was drunk out of his mind. In Spock’s defense, Jim and Kyle could be conceivably confused in a dark club, especially if one was as inebriated as Spock.

“James,” Spock slurred slightly. “You havve a verrry nice _pla’kruslar_.”

“Is that Vulcan for butt?” Jim yelped as Spock reached down and squeezed his cheeks. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

Jim managed to get his intoxicated boyfriend to his cabin and set him semi-gently down on his bed. Spock’s long limbs went sprawling, like a giant starfish. “Jimmm…” Spock moaned. “We should have intercourse.”

“Not when you’re this drunk, my dear,” Jim chuckled. “You can’t properly consent.”

“But you are sexy,” Spock groaned. “And you love me.”

“Yes, I am.” Jim grinned. “And I do.”

“I love you too,” Spock said, blinking up at him with big, innocent brown eyes.

Jim’s heart ached in his chest. “Oh sweetheart…” He bent forward and kissed Spock’s forehead. “Get some sleep. You’re gonna be groggy enough as it is in the morning.”

“W-wait…wait…” Spock struggled to sit up. “You don’t have to touch me. We can mutual…mutually…”

“You wanna watch me get off, huh, love?” Jim smiled, stroking his Vulcan’s dark hair.

“Mmm,” sighed Spock.

“Well…I suppose that would be alright.”

“Wait,” said Spock again, bumblingly getting to his feet. “Do you remember…Marta?”

“The Orion girl from Elba II? She tried to stab me.”

“Do you remember…she danced for us?”

“I barely noticed. You put your hand on my thigh.” Jim smiled.

“I said that…she danced…like the sh-children do on Vulcan.” Spock raised both his eyebrows suggestively. “Would you like a demonstration, _ashayam_?”

Jim covered his mouth with his hands to keep from laughing. “Are you going to dance for me, Spock?”

“I wish to be…an ecdysiast for you, Jim.”

Jim actually did laugh now, though his cock jumped at the idea of Spock stripping for him. “Go right ahead, my darling.” He leaned back on Spock’s bed, knowing that whatever deviant pleasures Risa had to offer couldn’t begin to compare to this. He had the best seat in the house.

Spock gave him a smoldering gaze and grabbed the hem of his uniform shirt. He pulled it off over his head, mussing his neat hair. Then he repeated the action with his black undershirt. Unfortunately, it got stuck on his head.

”Oh dear. Let me help,” Jim giggled, getting up and unhooking the shirt from under his chin. It fell to the floor with a soft _plop_. “You know what your problem is?” Jim asked. “You don’t have any music to strip to. Strippers—I mean, _ecdysiasts_ —need a good rhythm to perform to. Here...computer, play Lady Gaga, Earth, early 21st century.”

The computer immediately complied, and a woman began to sing, “ _Hello, hello, baby, you called, I can't hear a thing. I have got no service in the club, you see, see..._ ”

“Jim, you are so smart,” Spock sighed, wrapping his arms around Jim’s neck and kissing him with less finesse than he usually would, but Jim loved it all the same. Then Spock gently pushed him back down on the bed. He grasped the button of his uniform trousers and pushed them down to his ankles, leaving himself in just his black boxer-briefs.

”You look gorgeous,” Jim whispered.

Spock blushed green and smiled shyly. He began to sway to the pounding beat. Then he extended his arms, almost like a ballet dancer. He tried to lift his leg too, but forget that his legs were pretty much tied up, and fell over with a loud thud.

”Oh my god!” Jim rushed to the floor. “Sweetheart, are you okay?”

”No,” said Spock in a small voice. “I think I am shrinking, Jim.”

”Why would you say that?”

“Because you are now taller than me.”

”Sweetheart, you’re lying on the floor.”

”Oh. That would be a more locigal...I mean _logical_ explanation.”

“Okay, honey, I think it’s seriously time for bed now,” Jim began to pick him up off the floor. “Computer, music off.”

”But Jim, wait, we have not yet achieved orgasm,” Spock whined. His eyes grew big. “I want to see you evacuate.”

”Do you mean _ejaculate?_ ”

Spock rolled his eyes. “Yes, Jim. You know what I mean.”

Jim sighed fondly and stroked his cute ears. “I just can’t say no to you.”

Spock purred against Jim’s touch. He started to get up, but Jim made him wait until he’d pulled off his shoes and socks for him. Then he immediately found himself with a lap full of wriggly, cuddly Vulcan.

”I love you, my Jim,” sighed Spock, rubbing up against him. “My beautiful, golden Jim.”

”I love you too, sweetheart,” Jim panted, his half-erection coming up full-mast thanks to Spock’s friction. He hugged his arms around him and nuzzled his neck. “I’m so lucky I have you.”

”You should strip for me,” Spock whispered.

”Gotta admit, sweetheart,” said Jim as they got to their feet. “You giving me orders is kinda hot.”

Spock smiled in a lopsided manner that he usually wouldn’t if sober. As Jim peeled off his own clothes, Spock slipped out of his boxer-briefs and sat at the head of his bed, cock standing proudly. He patted the mattress. “Sit with me.”

Jim sat at the foot and faced him. “Lie back and touch yourself for me, Spock,” he sighed, wrapping a hand around his own cock.

Spock spread his legs and began to fondle himself, his eyes falling shut in bliss.

”Do you wanna lick your fingers too? Lick them for me, just like I would.”

Blushing green, Spock brought the fingers of his idle hand to his lips and teasingly licked the fingertips. He shivered.

”That’s it, Spock. God you look beautiful, you know that?”

Spock slid two fingers into his mouth and sucked them, moaning around his digits. He swirled his tongue over and around them in a filthy display. His other hand moved with a bit more fervor up and down his cock.

Jim’s own member throbbed at the thought of how turned on Spock must be. He matched his speed, wanting to come at the same time. He teased the space between his sack and his hole with his other hand. A large bead of fluid had formed at Spock’s head, and Jim’s mouth watered, wanting desperately to lick it away.

”Jim,” gasped Spock. “I will not last much longer.”

”Oh, me either, honey, just let go, come for me, oh you _angel_ -“

Spock cried out as his hips thrust forward and he came over his fist. Jim groaned and climaxed mere moments later.

Spock looked at the blanket and frowned. “We’ve soiled the bed,” he said.

”We do that most nights, sweetheart,” Jim giggled, crawling forward to pull back the top blanket and cover himself and Spock. Mostly Spock—he kept his room pretty warm so Jim didn’t need much blanketage.

”Seems...illogical. Perhaps we should...” Spock kept interrupting himself with yawning. “Wear prophylactics?”

”Seems like a lot of unnecessary trouble, since neither of us have STIs or are able to get pregnant. But sure, if you want to keep it neater, we can wear condoms.” Jim sighed with content, nuzzling his cheek against Spock’s somewhat fuzzy chest and closing his eyes.

”No, you are right. I am probably being ridiculous. I am...quite drunk, Jim.”

”I know, honey. Go to sleep.” Jim raised his head just long enough to say, “Computer, lights off,” before quickly nodding off.

 _Seriously, who gave Spock chocolate?_ was Jim’s last conscious thought. _Because I owe them a HUGE thank you._


End file.
